Well the crux of it is that the pilots training and SOP's dictates that we don't answer you until we are safe and all the aviating out of the way.
ATC view is that we are less proffessional not answering but in pilot terms we are more proffessional because we put flying the machine first.
I really can't imagine post incident a pilot being taken to task for not answering you. I could well imagine the CP and head of training saying well done for not being distracted by ATC.
And your not coming across as a grumpy old man just one that is frustrated because two groups have different SOP's for the same situation and one group is truely international and it would be nearly impossible to change the way they do things.
This whole issue needs someone outside both camps to sit down have a look at the statistics. Look at what factors are going to increase the risk and what actions are going to improve surviability.
I will admit that I am very much in one camp but looking at the case studys which most pilots do. By far the most likely cause of an accident is pilots loosing thier SA and plough into the ground. Incidents that can in there completeness be put down to mechanical reasons are only 20%. It usually has the crew (and I include ATC in the crew as well) cocking it up at some point.
Statistiques diverses
Nearly 70% of accidents are by human error and 50% during the landing phase.
Out of the 130,000 fatalities since the statistics started 91,000 are due to human factors. And very few of them are actually on the airfield after an incident in flight. Although by far the biggest fatal accident is still Teneriffe.
Everything I have seen and been trained about suggests that minimising crew distraction and maximising thier SA has far more affect increasing the safety of a flight or incident than any other factor. So although you think that having the reason and getting the emergency services geared up saves lives your actually increasing the likely hood of lives being lost you have taken the incident from a mechanical one into a human factors one which as we know you are 3.5 and half time more likely to have a fatality off. And to make matters worse they are more likely to be lost off airfield where all the resources are.