OK then, judgement day has arrived.
The award for enthusiasm and persistence goes to
Buster Hyman and
Nutloose who managed 11 entries between them for this one! (Sorry, there is no award!)
Special mentions for excellent toilet humour by Shytorque and Top to Bottom but the winner for seeing the soldiers predickament (sic) is
Longhitter
with his
"The first two minutes are ok if you have good teeth, tovarish. After that you start praying for an erection!"
Over to you