Pilot DAR, you ask some good, but not-easy-to-answer questions. I don't know. It'll be a slow process for any minority to gain true acceptance into any coterie (I
SO like that word
).
Maybe chaps, if you see a chap and a chapess disembark from an aircraft and you want to talk to the pilot about said aircraft, why not use the opening gambit of, "Hi, which one of you is the expert on this xxxx aircraft"? If it's both of them, then both he and she will say, "Me"; otherwise, you'll get your answer.
Cheers
Whirls