Forgive the intrusion from a civvy but I have an army and RN anecdote to tell.
My late Dad just after the war, new to the army and in the DLI. A dark haired chap who although smartly turned out suffered badly from 5 o' clock shadow - with it coming through an hour after a shave.
There he is on parade - immaculate turn out. RSM pauses, looks him up and down then growls in his ear. !Ave we ad a shave today laddie?" Dad replies that he has. RSM gets closer to his ear and through gritted teeth growls even louder. "Next time, stand closer to the Effin razor then."
Then one from the modern Royal Navy. Mid 1990s I am at sea as a visitor in a RN warship. It is very, very rough and she is taking green water over her bow. We've all been sick, we've had a hell of a night. The Captain is gripping his chair having confessed to chucking his guts up.
In off the bridge wing arrives a soaking wet junior officer. He asks permission to come onto the bridge then as he disrobes announces "Jesus it's a sh***y old day out there." To which the EWO - (I think that was his title) standing immaculately turned out at the back of the bridge replies. "I think Sir meant to say, Golly chaps it's certainly bracing out there." The captain, looking green and still holding onto his chair buts in. "No it is a Sh***y day and anyone who thinks different is clearly a nutter." EWO and the rest of the bridge team burst into laughter.