New script for Top Gun
Cruise sits with his new class. In walks Viper.
'Gentlemen, a quick health and safety brief.........
They spend the morning doing some crap computer based'protecting information level 1' course all about how not to leave a secret laptop on the train on the way home. Afternoon is spent trying to figure out the ridiculously complex system of notams, local avoids and sensitive areas.
Cruise goes to the bar. It's shut cos there aren't enough Mess staff and they can only open the Sgts Mess that week. Goes to the Naafi bop. Sings cheesy song to Fat WAAF. Gets filled in by large RockApe. Wakes up next to his kebab from the night before.
Next day is another bone course called 'introduction to DII' that repeats half the guff that was in yesterday's course. Afternoon is spent on JPA trying to figure out which receipt that he has had to keep for 2 years is the correct one to submit to the JPA audit.
Cruise goes blind on paperwork and worthless computer courses and does no flying for 5 months cos they stop the course due to aircraft availability.
Next day, cruise spends three hours planning a trip and making lots of last minute bookings, straps in to the mighty steed. Goes to start the engine. No joy. Throws it back at the engineers...
'Sorry sir, but you didn't put 'engine required' on the Pre flight instruction.'
Cruise hits the PVR button on JPA...
Last edited by high spirits; 23rd Apr 2011 at 07:08.