Can you imagine if NATS Training management ever crossed over to flight crew training ??
"Now hear this Fourth Officer Scroggs, I want you to ignore everything being reported about us in the press. Got it ? Good.
Right, now that you've been on hold for 4 years, and you should look back on those 4 years of despatching and cabin crewing as part of getting the big picture of our ops., we've finally managed to get you on a training course.
There've been some changes since you saw the syllabus when you applied 6 years ago, so ignore the recommended reading list because it's totally out of date and will jeopardise your written exam marks. We don't supply any of the books any more either, so I suggest you pop orf to your local library see if they can supply you with some.
Right, your fleet of choice was Airbus. Sorry
old chap, but we've gone for the all singing, all dancing Boeing 797 flush-the-loo-by-wire Mega Hog. It's great !! Costing us a packet, but when it's up and running, we'll be the airline everyone else envies. Imagine, North Atlantic Transport Service will be the carrier everyone's talking about !!
Of course, there are a few teething troubles, but a few more years delay won't bother you..will it ?
Now, about the training.
Lot's of unecessary claptrap in the old course. We've gone through it rigourously to eliminate anything we considered out of date or not required. Don't you believe the stories going round that it's a panic response to the fact that we're going to have a pilot shortage soon. It's rubbish !!
First, we're cutting out CRM. We've decided that if you've hung around this long, surviving on a pittance of a wage, then you're quite resourseful enough already.
We've also adopted a company policy that we will only fly in nice weather. Therfore, IMC and IR ratings will no longer be needed. Sceptics say this is a cost cutting measure when in reality we are doing it to make your flying experience all the more pleasant; who wants to fly in those nasty clouds anyway. Remember, you're a valued member of the team now, and everything we do is to your benefit.
We are also pushing for a dispensation from the CAA to allow us to go down to one-man operations during the hours of night. Afterall, the workload is much less during those hours, so we don't really see the need for 2 of you up there. Oh don't worry, it's not costcutting, just sound economic sense for the company.
We're also giving senior members of the cabin crew a 15 hour course on MS Flight Sim 2002, and they will be on hand in case you need them.
I see you have no turbine experience yet. Well, not to worry. We no longer fund conversion courses, so we've come up with this great idea of asking Boeing to supply the aircraft without engines. It's a great idea; saves us about $80 million on each aircraft and improves the balance sheet no end.
By the way, you are licensed for gliders, aren't you... ?"
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Last edited by 160to4DME; 11th Sep 2002 at 16:43.