I got grounded
Hi all,
First post here. I happen to find myself in a complete mess and I cannot see a way out so was hoping you might have an idea as to what to do best.
After a two year's wait I have recently been hired by an airline. I believe it's fair to say, my contract is amazing, especially given the present economic climate we are in. My employer has paid for just anything, i.e. TR, hotels, rentals, etc. I consider myself very lucky to have been given this opportunity.
I started my journey nearly ten years ago and since then have worked my ass off, I really have. Before my flight training, I went to uni, got an aero eng degree as a back up or/and an additional qualification, self-funded my training, took flying jobs unpaid and poorly paid respectively, had numerous interviews, some went good, some bad, the list goes on and on. I believe it's fair to say I have done everything possible to put myself in the position to be given the job I have right now.
With regards to my training I would like to point out that the whole process was hard. I always had to fight. It was a long struggle. I never finished within minimum hours, it always took me a little longer. Yet, I got selected out of hundreds for my current job and for the job I had before this one I got selected out of nearly hundred. Objectively looking at it, I cannot be that bad.
That said, my supervision has been hell, literally hell. I cannot say I enjoy being examined on every flight (I never liked it and always knew it was going to be a great part of the job, particularly the qualifying period; I always loved flying and that so much that I was hoping with time I could just get used to the situation). Unfortunately, I cannot see that happening. Even worse, after the first few bad gradings came rolling in, my performance started to slip. It got worse and worse. A big problem is I find it hard to deal adequately and quickly with new situations (during descend), especially now that I am being examined all the time. Repeatedly, I get hung up on situations and keep forgetting to keep going. I know it's bad, but I think being supervised is part of the problem.
I cannot describe my SV to have been organized perfectly, as I have had long breaks between flights, winter OPS, a whole bunch of different TLCs, different starting bases. There has never really been the chance to develop some form of routine. Please do not get the impression I am trying to blame it on others but I am trying to find answers. Many of you might know what it's like when your brain starts messing with you, when it starts telling you might not be worth your keep. But that way of thinking makes things worse. A Catch-22. A viscous circle.
As the cherry on the cake, following my last flight I got grounded, as the company cannot see sufficienc progress and was told the powers to be are now in the process of deciding whether I am worth investing in any longer. A tea and biscuits get-together is soon due - needless to mention I find it hard to hide my excitement! Chances are I get shown the door, but maybe be given more sectors to improve. Needless to say, the pressure is massive to unbearable.
I am posting here to see if there are others among you, who have been in a similar situation and who managed to pull themselves out or maybe did not. As much as I love flying I cannot deny the little sucker in my head offering giving up. But that has never been an option for me and shall not now either. But I just do not know what to do?! How to improve, how to get over this?! I would like to know, how did you cope? Where are you now? What are you doing right now? Still flying? Given up altogether? I would love to hear from you as it might help me to find a way out of this. I always wanted to fly for a living but I would have never imagined to find it that hard. Please also PM if you do not want to go public.
Thanks a lot guys! Your help is greatly appreciated!
Safe flying.