Mayday! Mayday!! Mayday!!!
Copilot: Checklist Complete Captain!
Captain: Make the call
Copilot: Pan! Pan!! Pan!!! Bristow Nigeria, loss of Nigerian engine.
ATC: Bristow Nigeria confirm you are declaring an emergency! Please state position, intention and POB.
Copilot: Captain what's the plan...
Captain: Tell them we'll continue to Houston: the expat engine should carry us... we'll f@#king fix the Nigerian one in Houston. Damn I have always known the Nigerian engine would quit! But not on a flight across the Atlantic especially on our way to fixing it....Screw these mechanics...they gave me their assurances.....
Copilot: Err we're somewhere between Aberdeen and Houston, intention is to continue with our expat engine....we're two and half souls (actually the third person may be considered half a soul....he's not been of much use since we lost the engine)
ATC: Copy will relay to Houston.....
Copilot: Captain! ****!....we're loosing...errrr the oil pressure on the live(expat) engine...check RPM too low...take action
CAptain: What?
Copilot: Engine chip warning lights! We're loosing the other engine, Nooooo the CWP is all lit up like a Christmas tree! Enter autorotation....Enter autorotation now!!! I mean lower the collective!!!
Captain: Please dont blame me its been a year i did this in the SIM.....ok
Copilot: MAyday! Mayday!! Mayday!!! Bristow Nigeria....the expat engine just quit on us....autorotating...
Captain: Call me altitude! Altitude please!
Coplilot:3000' and 2300fpm ROD, check RPM too high..... 1000' check speed.
Captain: Correcting! F$%k! We're gonna get a lot of heat for acceptin this ship
Copilot: Thats if we survive.... check speed... OMG the ground is approaching soooo quick! Holy Mary, full of grace, pray for us sinners now and at the our of.....
Captain: Close ur eyes: if you still feel pain in three secs time, you probably have made it...
Copilot: Thousand and one.....thousand and two....
..........And the Bristow Nigeria saga continues........