You are given engine start clearance, you have a marshaller on the nose, wingmen on the left & right, everyone gives you the thumbs up. You start the engines and they start boarding the 747 on your left with all the pax walking behind you.
End result +400 pilgrims eating jet blast during start & then again when you pull away & turn left then right onto the taxi way with taxi power.
Also, whilst on radar and in perfect vfr with no traffic anywhere, report passing x000 ft, report field in sight, report on finals, report 6 mile finals, report 4 mile finals, report short finals!
Seats on aircraft never equal passengers!
Huge tartan bags weighing more than the passengers!
The man whose job is to sweep the ramp with a broom made out of twigs, says he has cleaned around your aircraft & would like something small, like US $20!
X-ray machines not working!
Fire engines from WW2!
3' PAPI & VASI calibrated by the electrican who changed the bulbs!
No taxi-way centre lights, 75% taxi-edge lights not working, yellow centre line paint fading, impossible to see the marshaller at night as he isn't wearing his fluorcesant jacket & his 'wands' have no batteries.
You have to wake up customs/immigration/security/police to let you into the terminal if landing at night!
"Sorry" is the commonest used word & it means nothing!
You carry around a carrier bag full of cash as no credit or credit cards accepted!
If you tip someone, he tells his mates & about a dozen more turn up telling you that they have somehow helped you!
More to come