Quite simple really, preload about 4/8 G and Ts before setting off (get wifey to drive if ness). Bounce through the front door gushing like mad trying to remain upright. Flirt like mad with the wife of regardless of age bearing or looks (the G and Ts will help). Feign interest in all the photos or pictures and wax lyrical with some tenously linked story about yourself helping other people and having no concern for your own advancement/safety. Drink heavily and ask for the music to be turned up and remember to take your own ipod, don't rely on their selection of Mary Hopkins et al. After about two hours of heavy drinking with Rage against the machine blaring in excess of 80 decibals ask for the keys to the Whisky or at the very least vintage port. Continue to drink, one of two things will happen 1. you will be asked to leave. 2. you will have a new bezzer. Either way you will have had a thoroughly good pissup. Don't be surprised in the morning when you find that you didn't actually morph into Pierce Brosnan, the wet patch in the wardrobe was not the dogs responsibility and the cat did not try to make a ham curry. Lastly the pool of vom in the hallway will be yours. Enjoy.