Tower Dog:
You sound like a very sad and bitter individual to me. I have been flying for more than twice your 20 years and have found myself out of luck (and ideas) more times than you have had hot dinners but I have a great passion for flying and have always got back up there somehow.
If all you are interested in now is sailing, why the hell are you on Pprune?
Why don't you write a book about your sad experiences? That is where a logbook really comes in handy. I could not have written my first one with any accuracy without such an accurate record.