Dear F/O colleagues, forget about studying all those boring manuals, or attending a tough command upgrade interview, or partaking in rigorous command upgrade simulator sessions, or any of those rocket polishing hoops that you’re expected to jump through in order to get a Command at flydubai.
If you want a Command at flydubai it’s now much simpler than you could ever believe. All you have to do is to become the ‘Safety Manager’ !!
Then, without even so much as an interview, or a current medical, or a simulator assessment, or a Type-Rating on B737-800, or thousands of hours on type, or attending recurrent training courses, etc, YOU TOO will be able to don the full regalia of a flydubai Captain, complete with shiny gold wings and 4 stripes upon your shoulders!
But wait, there’s even more!
Your newly found pseudo-rank will give you all the power that your Walter Mitty persona demands. You will think it ok to turn up, uninvited, aboard the company’s flights, invite yourself into the flight deck and sit on a jump seat for hours upon end, from where you can then make a complete ass of yourself and further dispel all myths that your are a professional Airman in any other sense than your surname.
Yes sir’ee, by simply going to the Uniform Stores Department and procuring a flydubai Captains uniform you too can masquerade and swan about as a flydubai Captain!!
STOP PRESS!!! Due to unprecedented demand, the Uniform Stores Department, are no longer accepting walk-in fittings and so you’ll need to phone ahead to arrange an appointment for the fitting of your shiny new flydubai Captains uniform. But do get your order in soon, before every Tom, Dick, and Harry catches on to the idea that to become a professional Captain requires nothing more than putting on the uniform!!!
In all seriousness folks, apart from the blatant insult that this serves towards our Captains, who have worked long & hard to earn their position, and likewise the insult towards our F/O’s who are presently tearing their hair out trying to move from the right seat to the left seat, surely there must be a law against this sort of outrageous impersonation and impropriety against our professional standards & integrity?!
