What's New In W. Africa (Nigeria)

[graculus]

.... In the lands of the North, where the Black Rocks stand guard against the cold sea, in the dark night that is very long the Men of the Northlands sit by their great log fires and they tell a tale of the happenings before the helicopters arrived...

Coming soon to a Nollywood cinema near you...

Scene III. A Heath near Lagos.

Thunder. Enter 3 witches

First Witch
Where hast thou been, sister?

Second Witch
Thinking of how to tell the Smell Mushrooms what's going to happen to them.

Third Witch
Sister, where thou?

First Witch
A sailor's wife had chestnuts in her lap,
And munch'd, and munch'd, and munch'd:--
'Give me,' quoth I:
'Aroint thee, witch!' the rump-fed ronyon cries.
Her husband's to Aleppo gone, master o' the Tiger:
But in a sieve I'll thither sail,
And, like a rat without a tail,
I'll do, I'll do, and I'll do.

Second Witch
Na wetin she dey say?

First Witch
No idea, stir up the brew in that cauldron a bit and let's see what it comes up with .....

More thunder .... claps of lightning ..... loud bubbling comes from cauldron .... a voice stage right (faintly) ...

VSR ... envelopes, give them magic envelopes ...

... at a management meeting on a heath near Lagos ...

... so you're sure the oracle said magic envelopes?

... yes, envelopes. OK buy envelopes, lots of envelopes. Sod the expense, we'll give them one each. We'll send Bristol LIaison Management Persons (BLIMPS) to each Smell base....

... 30 June. Blasted Heaths near Warri and Port Harcourt

First Witch....

Here I have a pilot's thumb,
Wreck'd as homeward he did come.
Drum within

Third Witch...

A drum, a drum!
The BLIMP doth come.

ALL MUSHROOMS...

The weird sisters, hand in hand,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about:
Thrice to thine and thrice to mine
And thrice again, to make up nine.
Peace! the charm's wound up.
Enter MACBETH and BANQUO the two BLIMPS

... right we've got magic envelopes, one each and sod the expense. Open these and everything about your own personal future will become clear...

Mushrooms ...

... magic envelopes (one each and sod the expense) are opened..

Mushrooms ...

BLIMPS ... right now you've opened them and you all know exactly what's happening. Any questions?

Mushrooms ...

BLIMPS .. Right, that's OK then ... aside to each other communicating by means of magic conch shells placed close to their ears ... did you get any questions? ... No, they seemed a bit

... hmmm ... were we right to buy self-sealing envelopes? Maybe we should have bought ordinary ones and sealed them with magic spit .. Dunno ... oh well, they've all been told.

Mushrooms ... We need CONDOctor Managers to tell us what's happening ...

Loud chorus ... CONDOMS, CONDOMS, we need CONDOMS ..

... Part 2 coming soon to a Nollywood cinema near you. Personal copies available to pre-order on receipt of your bank details ...