The real problem with managing a wheels up in a Herc is, presumably, the fairly small difference between wheels up/wheels down anyway?
Notwithstanding that, I reckon I could alter as required to suit most Sunday sheets...
ie The Mirror and similar
'Kraut Loony shoots up our boys'
(For the more Sun oriented I could add an 'oo-err' on the end of that')
For the left wing rags it'd be
'Nonagenerian Adolf, shamefully denied his Alzheimer's medication by today's balance sheet obsessed suits'
For the Mail perhaps
'The previous gevernment's laxity having led to this pernicious state of affairs...'
I mean, let's face it, whatever spin is required can be provided, as long as the price is right, yeah?
I'll stay by the phone tonight, just in case any late orders come in....