Newly promoted Cpl 4mastacker was on shift on a large Oxfordshire airbase which operated some large, shiny, new aircraft numbered in the 'XR' and 'XV' series and some older ones in the 'XL', 'XM', and 'XN' series. He had drawn the short straw to accompany the new OC POL on his weekly dips. The new OC POL was keen and, with rapid career progression ambitions, had obviously listened to, and taken on board his fuels training and was meticulous, nay, obsessive, about water detection checks. Every dipstick and tape had copious amounts of water detection paste applied during the course of his checks. On this particular occasion, each tank was dipped and water checked without a problem until we reached an old aviation fuel installation that had been converted for the storage of other bulk liquids.
As one of the team lowered the dipstick into a tank, OC POL shouted "Cpl 4ma!! There's no paste on the dipstick". "We don't use paste on this one sir, it's...". " I want detection paste on every dip stick". " But it's.." " Don't argue Cpl, I said I want detection paste on every dip-stick". "Very well sir, as you direct"
Cpl 4ma applies a small amount of paste and lowers the dip stick into the tank. Out comes the dipstick and, lo and behold, the paste has changed colour. "Water!" exclaims the OC POL "Cpl!! There's water in that fuel". "Yes, sir" says Cpl 4ma in a resigned sort of tone. "Put more paste on the dip stick". "But, sir..." " Cpl I've already told you once, do I have to repeat myself? I want detection paste on that dip-stick". Cpl 4ma complies with the instruction and puts more paste on the dip-stick. This process is repeated until the whole bl**dy dip stick is covered in the stuff and OC POL is bordering on having an apoplexy. "We are not allowed any water in the fuel and according to the dipstick, that tank is full of water!! There is obviously a very serious problem here".
" Yes Sir, there is a problem here. Now Sir, if I can be allowed to explain. The tank we are dipping is not fuel, it is what is known as a miscellaneous fluid. To be precise, sir, it is AL28, which is also known as Water Methanol…. there is a clue in the description…....Sir". Did he learn??. Only after he decided to do a water detection check on a pressurised, pre-heated black heating oil tanker and found himself standing in a group of one as the rest of us departed, rapidly, to a safe distance. Afterwards, the FS POL conducted a closed door, but very loud, WTF-type de-brief with OC POL giving him a good listening to.
Many, many years later, the now FS 4ma is tasked to brief a visiting a group of students from a training base near Sleaford, led by... you guessed it, his former OC POL who, after a scintillating career in the RAF, had now reached the rank of Flt Lt.