A couple that I remember:
A Technical Training Unit in Buckinghamshire early 80's
Morning parade of Electrical Training Squadron and an A/Cpl discip is standing behind me, "SAC M***, am I hurting you?"
"No Cpl, why?"
"Well I should be cos I'm standing on your f*ck**n hair!"
Fast forward a year as I'm leaving as a newly promoted J/T
"Cpl, am I hurting you?"
No J/T M**** why?"
"Well I should be cos I just dropped my pay chit on your foot!"
RAFG a few years later, TACEVAL. Two of us are guarding the base from the Orange hordes when we come under heli-borne assault. A rock ape leaps from the Puma and comes running towards our sangar and the inevitable barrage of blank rounds ensues. About thirty feet from us the rock does the best impression of a Quentin Tarantino "arghhh I've been shot" scene ever witnessed and promptly flies backwards and collapses in a heap. It's only then that my oppo notices the lack of the BFA on the end of his SLR. A brief search of the area reveals the errant BFA right next to the recumbent rockape.