Ok .......here goes ........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----- Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble.
> > Unfortunately, one was a salted.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't
> > start anything."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
>in
> > here."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his
> > arm and says:
> > "Pint please, and one for the road."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman
> > comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?"
> > The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man
> > explains "I've just come in my pants."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was
> > rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
>taste
> > funny to you?"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor.
> > The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That
>sounds
> > like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
> > "Well........It's not unusual........."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I
> > was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
> > Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
>The
> > shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've
> > lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
> > replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana,
> > press the hash key...."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls**t before
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's
> > cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the
>vet,
> > "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
> > then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him
> > down."
> > "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
> > "No, because he's really heavy"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
>people
> > in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad.
>Or
> > my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think
>it's
> > Colin.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but
> > couldn't find any.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
> > couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No,
> > you're right" he said, "the steaks are too high."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a
> > strong currant.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
> > shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> > know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week ....
> > and pulled a mussel.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they
> > lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you
>can't
> > have your kayak and heat it too.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
> > covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
