''Ladies and Gentlemen,good afternoon my name is B**** N*ser and I am your pretend CSDAngry on the flight.I would like to welcome our 2 passengers in Club World,you will getting two fillings in your sandwich and your Purser in that cabin is Captain Nigel.P.Ension on £156,000 per annum.For the six of you in W/T you will be getting one filling in your sandwich,your Purser is SFO Dave.T.Rawler on £96,000 per annum.There is no Purser in First or on the upper deck as we do not have enough crew to man those cabins.
For those of you who wish to buy Duty Free,you should have done it at London Heathrow as none of the crew know how to operare the Skybars.
Your Inflight entertainment today is your personal copy of the Daily Mail as I don't know how to operate the system.
If you have any problems on the 11 hour flight you will have to wait to wait to speak to the ground staff on arrival as I've never had to deal with a problem as this is my first flight in charge.
For anyone with medical problems I have a sticky plaster in my cabin bag (free of any union labels) otherwise we hope you have travel insurance.
If you need anything on the flight,just ask as we'll all be in the cabin and neither understand industrial agreements,breaks or to be truthful where the crew rest area is.
Finally in the event of an emergency good luck.
Thanks for listening and we hope you enjoy your flight on our Premium Global Airline''.
NJR. VOTING YES with an X
PS: At least you're going to get to your destination, despite the best efforts of BASSA to prevent it. 