"A few years ago I tried to write a sim scenario to end up flapless and slatless and couldn't come up with something sensible..."
A sensible sim scenario? Things must have changed since I left!
Several flapless landings myself due to the hoses stuck out as well. No drama at all, just a high nose attitude on the approach and a minimal flare. in fact I'm prettty sure we were authorised to go and practice flapless or slatless approaches and had to do one every 6 months.