Now this is at least an interesting twist on the usual inter-service pi$$ing contest. Fishead versus Booty.
Go on Tourist, you tell him! I'll hold your handbag.
If you did work hard enough at school, join the air power professionals, if you didn't, then, as my noble friend so eloquently put it: "apply to the RAF, get rejected, join the FAA and then bitterly complain about the crabs (with a cracking chip on one's shoulder) for the rest of your career."
And if you didn't go to school, then join the cabbage eaters.
And if you're not good enough for any of them, and are a cynical old tw@t, then become a journo!
Seriously, though, banter aside, it's important to realise that there is no automatic route to becoming a military pilot, and contrary to the impression sometimes given here, the lowliest pilot in any of the services is very much a quality individual, way above average, and with personal qualities that are outstanding. You need confidence and ability to join their number, but also, at this stage, just a little humility. Respect to you all.
Even the fisheads!