Thanks for all the comments on my post, even the smack on the wrist. As I said it's almost impossible to give up flying, it somehow has to give you up.
I have a lot of thinking to do now, if I was to continue it would mean borrowing again. I need to be very realistic from now on. Perhaps I'll renew the medical. What I do know is that I need a job back in aviation one way or the other.
I know it's worth the effort. I am inspired by the idea of in their forties getting the first flying job. To be honest though, the age thing was not my real concern, it's other people who judge you by your age and yes we are all guilty of it even me. It shouldn't matter just the ability to do the job, young or old.
I still don't know one way or the other for myself. I am a damm good pilot though, that's something.