Will Fraser,
I'm sure this will be off the thread, sort of, but I understand where you are coming from as far as command, respect and leadership are concerned. Somewhat.
I have a different set of values for each of the above. I derived some of those values from my own upbringing, some from life experiences and some from combat experience leading other men. (United States Army 1st Ranger Battalion, 75th Infantry during Operation Urgent Fury on the island of Grenada - Oct-Dec 1983)
There are many aspects to the subject of command and leadership. Command is given, or earned. Command is sometimes learned, sometimes innate to the person in a command responsibility. And command sometimes is given to those who are not deserving of it. At all. Leadership, on the other hand is not usually a learned skill but is often a character trait indigenous to an individual. Command and leadership are not always two skills that go hand in hand seamlessly. One can have command but lack leadership skills. One can have leadership skills but have no command. Yes, those who are commanded must, in most cases, obey the LAWFUL orders
of those doing the commanding. However if I in a commanding position issue an order which can be deemed unlawful and puts at risk those who are being commanded, then that order MAY be called into question. As a leader I should have acquired the wisdom and skills to know that an order, based on a command and questioned by my subordinates may actually have a basis to be questioned. And I should know how to resolve the issue underlying the disconnected between the command and those being commanded without undue risk to all involved.
Hope this makes sense.