Bluming right, blooming idiots
I was departing from BRS on a Squeezy Flight back home. The in-laws dropped me off hours in advance - as they were off to a wonderful pub lunch quite a few miles away. I was very (very very) early!
When I got to the security area to my surprise I saw no queue - nobody between me and the machines ... So being lazy I ducked under the tape (rather than walk back and forth 4 times in the empty queue line) and presented myself to the lady. "You can't do that - you have to go back and follow the prepared path" (or something like that). "You're kidding", I said and began to place my hand luggage on the belt. "I'm not", she said pointing away. I looked around and saw a gaggle of 'Security' people staring at me. Oh (expletive deleted) I said. I re-ducked out and followed the path (not to enlightenment).
Surprise, surprise - when I went through the arch the 'gentleman' motioned me aside (I did NOT hear a beep). Trainers sent back to be x-rayed, then my belt (a very small buckle), I'm surprised he didn't shove the wand where the 'sun don't shine' because it got shoved everywhere else. Finally cleared that and went to get my bag. "Is this your bag, ..... sir" (Thinking Who xxxx else bag is it) I smiled and said yes. "Do you mind if we open it up". No, I said. At least 5 minutes of pawing (no gloves) and checking everything they let me go. Still nobody else for them to check, one of the ladies said "Next time, don't be a smartass" and smiled.
I suppose I was lucky they didn't get out the rubber gloves, for a more intimate search - but what was the point of all of that?