Very passable, Obediah.....
Ok then, in the spirit of Monty Python, the Yorkshiremen and their toughest childhood...
Lodown, you were lucky to have a motorbike. When I was 12, my father forced me to jump a unicycle over 12 hovering Chinooks, 10 F-111's with afterburners on, in the middle of the night with no lights, stark naked, wearing dark sun glasses, hands tied together, in winter; I had to land in shark infested murky waters, wrestle a big white shark, all the while an Apache helicopter with a mini-gun tried to shoot me.
And the kids of today ....