Just had a chuckle over this on Arrse:
The scene; a recently dusted office in a TA centre in southern England, one Tuesday night early April 2010. The phone rings. A fit Colour Sergeant reaches across, scratches at the gloss white paint on his left hand, then picks up the receiver. "A Coy 3 Loamshires, PSI speaking Sir".
"Ah Colour, it's Col. Newman calling from Bn HQ. Just wondered if I could have a word with the OC?"
"Sorry Sir, he's not in just yet."
"What about the 2 i/c?"
"I think he must have got that job he applied for in Brussels. He seemed quite pleased that he'd be able to give it his full attention now that his evenings were free."
"And OC 1 Pl?"
"Well he left in November, after that little disagreement with the Brigadier at the Remembrance Day parade. Oh, but you weren't with us then, were you? How is the Brigadier, by the way?"
"What? Oh, he's fine. That broken nose didn't take long to heal. The Pl Sgt?"
"Said he might be in later Sir."
"Well, I'm sure you can help. As you know, the Second Battalion is off to AFG, and Brigade wants a Company from me. Who've you got in 1 Pl?"
"Actually I rang round them all last week just to let them know we're starting up again. Let me see. Atkins has joined the Special Constabulary, Baker's changed his mobile number, Collins says he's got a girlfriend now, and Dawson has become a Jehovah's Witness. Evans is in jail, Flint and Gough went off to the RAuxAF, so I think they're starting their tour in June. Hollins was killed back in November with the First Battalion."
"Ah."
"Jones has got a job driving for Tesco's, so he can't do weekends. Kenyon's started to coach a kids' football team on Saturday mornings, so he's jacked too. Lamb handed his kit in last November. Murray's driving to London now, trying to get into the RMR. Norris says he's got a new boyfriend and can't be bothered with the TA any more, Osbourne's got a job in Liverpool and Parry's due out of Headley Court this week. He was Hollins' best mate, of course."
"Erm..."
"Quinn and Rogers got jobs with the New Post Office after the Christmas strike, so they're doing shifts. Smith said he might come in later in the summer, and Thompson says his girlfriend's pregnant so he's not doing any more tours. Umbugu got deported in January; apparently he wasn't from South Africa after all. Vernon sacked it back in October when they shut us down, and White's car's broken down. Xavier's started his college course, Young didn't answer and Zavros' parents have moved back to Greece, so he's gone with them. Do you want me to call 2 Pl Sir, or have you got the number?"