Are Frequent flyer programmes all they are cracked up to be?
No.
I had a similar epiphany to yours a few years ago. Now it seems simply foolish to book on a particular carrier and/or buy particular brands at particular places with particular credit cards just to get points. I think the only sensible approach nowadays is to be a member of one airline's loyalty scheme in each of the three big alliances. Then you will get points on pretty much any flight. So you can go ahead and simply choose the one that is cheapest/quickest/most direct/most comfortable/whatever.
It will take you longer to get gold status, but as you observe, these perks are increasingly meaningless. You will still get the points, albeit spread out over the three alliances, and you can use them for "free" (ha!) flights, etc.