Al R, I didn't get to speak, my barrister did all the talking while I gnawed on the edge of the judges desk.
The Parking Ticket, seeing as you ask. In retrospect, I realise that the parking ticket was on a previous court appearance when she tried to get me kicked out the house.
This court case overan, and I appealed against the £30.00 fine. They refused my appeal - court cases often overun. And now the fine was £60.00
Anyway, I wrote a rather good letter. Some of my fans may remember I fell off a ladder in Afghanistan about a year ago. I can't find the original letter for a cut & paste, but it had the following observations:-
1. Court cases may overun, I don't know what scallywags you're used to dealing with but in my late forties, this was my first time in a courtroom. I have a piece of paper stating that court time allocated was 30 minutes, and I paid for an hour and a half.
2. You will not have known this, but the court case was my wife's application to have me thrown out of the house that your most recent letter was sent to.
3. I was unable to retrieve my mail as I was recently medically evacuated from Afghanistan with lower limb injuries and residing at Selly Oak Hospital, Birmingham
4. I enclose a cheque for £30.00, please
a. Cancel your request for £60 and cash this cheque for £30
or
b. Rip this cheque up and thank me for attempting to defend the freedom of civilisation
5. And me dog died.
It worked, I reckon they've got it pinned to a wall in the office.
So I lost £120k and 35% of my pension, but getting off a £60 parking ticket came a long way to redressing the balance.
If anyone else would like advise on how not to get a divorce, but how to get off parking tickets, please PM me. I'm better at the latter.