Air traffic to jet about to establish on the localiser:-
ATC- Speedbird XXX can i turn you on at 3 miles?
Jet- Madam, you may certainly try..
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ATC- piper can you turn left and report your heading?
Piper- 340, 341, 342, 343...
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ATC- Speedbird XXX, you are number 3 of 2 for the approach..
Jet- thats ok, 5 out of 3 pilots cant count!
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ATC- Globemaster, can you just confirm the reg/callsign of your wingman?
Globemaster- erm.. Sir we are a 1 aircraft flight...
Silence...
ATC- Ooh you have traffic
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On a more serious note i know of a pilot who called up Manston tower asking to land immediately, when asked to elaborate he said there was 17 tons of TNT onboard, and the aircraft was on fire!