Pitot Static
Safetypee: IMHO your analytical logic fails with the assumption that the pitot systems would see different air masses on each side of the aircraft. From experience of tests and often due to the architecture of the pitot systems (cross balance pipes) this occurrence is most unlikely.
There are pitot-static systems, but I've never seen cross-connected pitot systems, or (cross balance pipes). If you remember from the prior diagrams, Pitot tubes 1 and 3 are on the left side of the lower nose, while #2 is on the right side. Each feeds only its own pneumatic to digital converter.
There is a cross-connected static port on each side of the fuselage that feeds each of the above converters.
Three pitot tubes; six static ports, unless I've lost count..
GB