“Yo Tiny - it’s your buddy G Dubya. How’ya doin’?”
“George. Nice to talk to you. Absolutely”
“Hell, Tiny, what we gonna’ do ‘bout these Iraquois an’ their King Hussein? Seems that we need to kick us some butt!”
“George. First we need clear evidence of any Iraqi.....”
“Hell, Tiny. My good buddies of the CBI been gatherin’ plenty of intellectualisatory photographicals. We know what Osama Hussein’s been up to...”
“Ah yes. Now George. Intelligence. Have your people got any better at that? You told us that there were dozens of Al-Quaeda and Taliban forces still holed up in Afghanistan. That’s not what we’ve found....”
“Afghanistralia? You don’t say? Hell, when I pulled my boys back ‘n sent ‘em to the mountains of Kansas to get more training, why we expected your Marine Corps to go do some serious fightin’. So waddya tellin’ me?”
“George. We found nothing. Apart from a few goats with sore bottoms and some posters with rude comments about Queen Victoria..... ”
“Queen Victoria? Is she the new Queen of Englishland?”
“No. When we were last in the North West Frontier, she was the Queen. Actually she was the Empress of India.”
“Really? You don’ say. Was that a while back?”
“Yes. In fact Queen Elizabeth the Second is the daughter of the late Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother. She, as Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, married the great grand-son of Queen Victoria, George”
“Yes, Tiny?”
“No - his name was George, George. So was his father’s, George the Fifth, George......”
“Hell, Tiny - ma pappy had thuh same idea! But how come ya didn’t find no Arabistanis? Thought they’d be ten-a-penny over there...”
“Ye-es. Quite. But what proof do you have about Iraq?”
“Hell - proof? What’s that? Ma generals say there’s a threat, we go nuke ‘em. Period. Who needs proof?”
“The United Nations?”
“Who?”