DBoy,
I know you asked for replies from people who now fly the line -so perhaps my reply might not be welcome, as I've finished the training but no job as yet (suprise, suprise given current climate!). However, your note struck a chord with me, so hope you don't mind, but thought I'd offer a few words.
Firstly - other people "breezing through it". I was lucky - or unlucky, depending on your perspective - to have as flying partners two of the bery best pilots on my course. Both seemed to have no difficulty with any aspect of the stuff we were doing, both consistently being rated as '1' pilots. However, one of the things I subsequently discovered is that despite my perception that "EVERYone else was breezing it", actually, very few people found it as easy as these two. In particular this was illustrated by one other student [who was considered excellent] who I flew with once and on the particular (IR training - FNPT2) sortie missed altitude by 200ft about 7 times, 300ft about 3 times and 400ft once. Also came within 10 knots of Vne and busted Vno about 4 times. Oh, and also turned the wrong way for runway in use on the NPA.
At this point, I kinda realised I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. The point here being that very few people actually "breeze" the training. Hardly anyone likes to say "I'm a bit of a crap pilot, actually" so they bluster about and try to make it seem they're doing better than they are.
In response to the negative and self doubting feelings....one big thing for me, when i was first being taught holding, gates, entries etc it was just absolutely gobbledegook for me. But at some point and I don't know when, I actually became ok at it. And I look at the flight test I was asked to do at that point - that seemed like Everest at the time and now know how easy it would be to fly!
What you need is the ability to believe in your own ability again. So what I'd suggest, is ask for an extra lesson. It might cost you - and god knows I know you don't want to spend any extra - but just go back and do stuff you covered 10-15 hours ago in your training. You might be suprised by just how easy you find the stuff that you found very hard at the time....and this might just be the point that breaks the cycle of self doubt. i.e. If you're on the IR phase, just go fly and enter a hold and fly a visual NPA, without worrying too much about the instrument element etc. Go fly some steep turns, or a PFL...but when you realise you CAN do it, it might be the tonic you need.
The other thing, is I'm an old git in comparison to most in flight training. I thought I knew myself quite well going in to the training, but I actually learned so much about myself. For me, I work a lot on confidence and I had a spell where one of my instructors basically totally shot my confidence to pieces. And then - every flight, every little thing that went wrong became a big issue, which screwed the rest of the flight. And each "rubbish flight" became soul destroying, as another flight had come and gone and it got no better.... The key thing, I subsequently discovered (although not to say I completely worked out how to get over it!) is "if you make a mistake, correct it in the air and then forget about it until you're back on the ground". I actually got through my IR because I'd made a couple of little mistakes up front and thought I'd failed it - so just totally relaxed into the flight and did everything else well enough. Very suprised to be given the first time pass back on the ground, but it did drill it in!
My suggestions then:
- Go have a night out, get horribly drunk, forget it all and have a laugh, come back to it in a couple of days time relaxed
- ASK for an extra flight and revisit earlier skills - you'll be suprised by how much easier you find them than the stuff you're doing now.
- Ignore everyone else that says they're "breezing it". They'll have things they find hard that you find easy and vice versa.
- Be kinder to yourself. You're learning....you're expected to make mistakes. DON'T let them ruin your flight....a maxim learned from golf of all things....give yourself ten seconds to curse and shout and scream [internally, of course, or your instructor might ask for your medical...
] and then FORGET IT! Get on with the flight. Do the next thing right. analyse on the ground only.
Hope that helps in some ways. PM if you want..