LHR new security dictat

[Capt Turbo]

...and now to the lighter side

Scene: LHR post 24, Captain comes with his brand new Taylor Made Driver...

Floor level security man 1 (FLSM 1) - "Wonderfull driver, sir...you cannot take it through here"

Captain (C): "It is going in the hold"

FLSM 1 : "No can do, sir. You have to bring a station person out here to take it to the hold"

C: "You trust the apprentice check-in girl more than me??"

FLSM 1: " Rules!"

C: "Are there any competent security person present here who can quote me the rules on this??"

DEAD SILENCE.....

Floor level security woman 1 (FLSW1): "Don´t be so difficult. Give it up volontarely"

C: "Are you the competent person I was asking for just now? You want to confiscate my club....that´s not volontarily"

FLSW 1 : talking in her walkie-talkie : " Control 1...Control 1 ...immidiate response....we have a situation....."

Captain calls station on mobile, but being understaffed, the station guys cannot retrieve the club until after departure of the flight.

C:" OK, the station will pick the driver up later. Can you please give me a receit..."

FLSW 1 : " You cannot get a receit as you have turned it in volontarely!"

C: "Did I ask for your opinion?? Now I ask you colleques if sporting equipment is allowed as part of crew baggage in hold...IS IT????"

FLSM 2 + 3: "Yes, sir, but it has to be in a bag!"

C: "So 14 lethal clubs are OK if in a bag...1 driver is not??????"

FLSM 1 + 2 + 3 : "That´s right, sir".

At this point captain unzips his big crew suitcase and puts the driver inside with the handle sticking out.

C: "OK guys, problem solved, have a good day..."

FLSM 1: "OH NO...you cannot do that! It is not a golf bag!!!"

C: "Are you the competent person on the rules, or do you just work here?"

FLSW 1 : "Control 1....Control 1 ......We need supervisor backup immidiately!!!! "

Control 1 (on walkie-talkie): "Post 24, he cannot be there until in 30 minutes"

FLSW 1: " You will get a delay out of this, and you are blocking the post"

C: " We have a delay code for crew security harassment and undue delay, and this crew is not moving until all legal crews baggage has been processed!!!!!"

4 pilots + 13 C/A smiling patiently at the FLSM/Ws, who are now appearing quite uneasy.

And then the Upper Level Security Supervisor (ULSS) appears, tweed, moustace and healthy outdoor type (clearly a british golfer).

ULSS: Yes, sir....sporting equipment is allowed. Yes, even one piece. No, sir...the suitcase is not a suitable container. Well, strictly speaking - you are right -it does not need a container....But you could sneak it up in the cockpit...No, sir..I cannot carry...OH, WELL...I will bring it to the aircraft and see it safely on board.....

All faces saved, my Taylor Made made the 12 hour trip on time and the FLSM/W greet me very politely when we meet at post 24.

So now I need to take this fantastic putter.............