T5 - Conformance ( a rant)
BA Putting the con in performance!
After at least two trips per week through LHR domestic for the 7-8 years, mainly with BA, I was so insensed with the cock up that call itself T5 that, since opening I have pretty much been able to give it a wide berth.
The first time I arrived at T5 we had to wait 25minutes for ground crew to open the gate, 20 minutes for someone to open the door before we could get off a flight that had already been delayed for an hour on the ground before departure.
My outbound experience was no better. As usual,end of day late inbound A/C resulted in a lengthy wait etc.
Having allowed the obligatory 12 months to elapse to let the Blindingly Arrogant team iron out initial teething I decided to have another go . OH NO!
For a 1930 departure I arrived at T5 at just before 1900hrs and was at Security at 1857. But then.... NONE shall pass... you have failed CONformance. What I didn't spot nor remember was this ludicrous requirement to clear secuirty 35 mins before departure!
No matter said the nice lady at Security go around the the corner and the folk from BA ( as they are not the same) will re-issue your boarding card - Uh, Uh!
Now I have a few questions?
The gates close 20 mins pre departure and so 15 mins for Security ( 10 used to be a BAA target) is not unrealsitic. So this is a reasonalbe requirement - when the airport is busy. But the airport was not busy - is 35 minutes still reasonable?
At 1900hrs on Saturday night T5 was like a catherdral for the living dead. I could have skipped through Security with my meagre baggage (NONE) in 3 mins flat. As I had done that very morning at a very busy regional airport. At T5 there were more staff than pax. Why is there NO leeway.
But No, no, no. I was two minutes late. By 1857 I had already been off loaded and my seat reallocated THIS IS Irreversible - impossible for me to board due to my failing Conformance i.e. I could not POSSIBLY get through security and get to the gate prior to 1910 for the 1930 departure ( incidentaly the records show that the flight left late due to ATC! (But that's not a recognised BA delay, nor is weather, or techincal problems with the Aircraft. A BA delay is caused either by pax not turning up or ..... well I'm not sure what because when one of the crews had to be changed when they went out of hours we were told that wasn't a delay so, I guess delays are caused by pax. Hence, Conformance!)
Now, here's the interesting bit. IF, I had until 1855 to get to security it follows that I could not be offloaded until after 1855. Lets say 1855 and 1 second. Making the changes and printing the boarding card, etc. let's allow a full 59 seconds making it 1856. That's when I arrived at Departures 1856 and 14 seconds by T5's own digital timepiece. SO, me and my replacement are both making a B line to security. I have my internet printed B card and he/she has a flash new pass courtesy of some polite but essentially useless Passenger services operative. But WAIT.... we're both late! We have both failed the conformance test . Neither of us has made security by the witching hour of 1855 OMG No!
But , instead of my comfortable window seat and reheated chicken ( smells like curry, but its not) etc. ( or dry sandwich and pretzels) I get a £250 hotel bill and and a £129 ticket with another carrier - because , quite frankly - life is too short for F...ffing conformance. Great Idea but...keep it simple stupid.
I'm sorry, but T5 is a temple to stupidity. In the past 7 years I can count on the fingers of my left hand those flights that have actually left on time. OK they all say they do , but they don't or they do then you Q for hours behind everyone else and 'make up a bit of time'. Well of course they make up a bit of time when the scheduled time for the flight has gone from 1 hr 10 minutes to 1 hr 35 minutes ! But, that's not my point. My point is that I have seldom, and not in recent memory, ever delayed , caused to be delayed or experienced a delay due to the non arrival of a passenger ( and this was PRE conformance). And, where this has happened we were already going to be late for other reasons.
I just don't accept that operating a system with margins of safety layered one upon the next is necessary to achieve punctuality ( which is my biggest criticism of BA) at which they are abysmal. If you have Conformance then why do you also need to close the Gate 20 before departure? I once flew for LHR and the gate was closed 25 before the A/C had arrived.
The truth is it is another con which will catch and fleece the unwary. Either into arriving ludicrously early - not a luxury I have. Or, pay for fasttrack - now there's and cool way to waste money! Or, by having to upgrade to a flexible fare because you have been bumped for failing conformance.
No -one at BA was available for comment. Interestingly whilst I has going through this frustrating ordeal the bloke next to me was tearing into Willie Walsh on his mobile - apprarently, he even used to work for BA and was tripped up by this cunning ploy. He told me his call made no difference!
Am I cross? Well no! I have learnt some new things.
BMI are every bit as good as BA on domestic routes. They are MORE punctual, they do not operate out of T5. Their ticketing, check-in and handling staff smile a lot and and are really friendly. And, there loyaly scheme is every bit as generous as BA's. So, a big thank you to BA for giving me the motivation to try the opposition! I had a good night's sleep and was home in time to walk the dog before breakfast - bliss. Yes it cost me a lot more but hell, it was worth it!
So, if you have to do the heathrow thing. Maybe just avoid T5 - its the world's least favourite airport terminal! ( well, mine anyway)