I'm not clear from your post if you are using the notorious AOL interface which is basically IE which AOL have 'improved'. Lots of problems with this inept package - even when you think 'Oh well, I'll use Internet Explorer', and get the same lame AOL version. It's stuffed.
At least Thunderbird or another alternative - 3 or 4 others out there - would confirm whether it's the AOL server or the b***ered IE which is causing your headaches.
Good luck.