Bad news. The good ole days are gone.
If this was a one-off flight well, perhaps best to put it down to experience. However, if you are flying with them again soon, you have two options:
1. Check-in online, select your seat, print your boarding pass, drop your bags at the drop desk, show 'em your passport and then go straight to security.
OR
2. On arrival at the airport, go straight to the check-in kiosk, touch the screen to get the process going, which will involve swiping your passport and/or One World Alliance membership card and/or entering your confirmation number, selecting your seat, confirming your bags and getting a boarding pass. Then drop your bags at the drop desk and off you jolly well go.