Bryan since it seems from your article that you were aware of your problems and the phobia you had that you were capable of shutting down engines why did you not approach your chief pilot and let him know what you're going through? I'm quite sure he would have removed you from duty.
People sometimes think that as professional pilots we are not suseptable to mental illness. In fact I would assume that with the stress and lifestyle we have we would be ideal candidates. I wish you all the best Bryan.