A while ago I produced a training simulator package for non-aviation journalists writing about aviation. Here it is.
NARROW ESCAPE IN JUMBO JET EMERGENCY
Penguin knocks out air safety radar
An Air New Zealand British Aerospace 737 jumbo jet narrowly escaped disaster on a Christchurch to Wellington flight this afternoon. The incident started when a Little Blue Penguin crossed the runway at Wellington, forcing air traffic control to halt all flights for five minutes.
This forced the Air New Zealand 767 to abandon its approach at the northern tip of the South Island and go round in a huge circle. “We don’t do this very often these days,” said an Airways Corporation spokesman, “Our new flow control software means that it is very rare to put aircraft into a holding pattern.”
Air New Zealand told reporters that the procedure was ‘just routine’, but Marlborough farmer, Wayne McDougall, who was mustering sheep on his property when the stricken A.340 began its circuit, disagreed. “You could see it was in trouble,” he said, “the whole time I watched one wing was lower than the other.”
Some passengers became distressed. Airline management consultant John Taverner noticed that his sauvignon blanc was at an angle in its glass for at least two minutes. “What was even more worrying,” he said to our air correspondent, “was the sun. One moment it was shining in my eyes, then it disappeared completely, and a moment after that it appeared outside the window on the other side of the plane.” Taverner also said that when he looked out of his window he could see the sea.
There was little panic according to Hilda Blowhard, another passenger. “It was the ANZAC Gallipoli spirit,” she said, “that Kiwi capacity to remain phlegmatic in the face of certain death. Most passengers just went on reading their magazines, although one or two looked a bit irritated when the captain told us that we would be delayed.”
Those awaiting loved ones and relatives at the airport were critical of airline staff. “They didn’t tell us anything,” said a woman who declined to be named for fear of airline reprisals to her Air Points account, “The plane was due at half past four, but nothing happened at all. After five minutes I went up to the Air New Zealand woman at the gate and asked her what was happening. She just grinned and pointed at the runway, and said ‘there it is now’. As I watched, the plane’s wheels hit the ground and a huge puff of smoke came out. But the airline woman just ignored it and pretended nothing had happened.”
Air New Zealand claimed that the flight crew were fully trained and adequately experienced, but some passengers reported that one of them only had three rings on his sleeve and looked very young. Despite the acknowledged presence of alcohol on the plane the crew managed to walk up the jetway in a straight line, although others had noticed earlier that the penguin had been ‘waddling’ when it crossed the runway.
Air New Zealand also denied last night that the aircraft involved was old and suffered from mechanical problems. However last month the company announced that it was replacing all its domestic TU 134 jets with Embreech 1900D’s. Industry insiders told us that Embreech, a Brazilian company, had established its place in the airliner market with the assistance of a lot of bandits.