Some interesting stuff here and as a card-carrying homo, I'll throw-in my two penneth...
I agree entirely that there is no need for anyone to proverbially shove their sexual preferences down everyone's throats (*insert cheap jokes as appropriate*). Ultimately it's nobody else's business what one's sexual preference might be. But at the same time, it's quite offensive to keep pushing this notion that a gay man or woman should somehow be obliged to introduce his sexuality slowly to others, or avoid mentioning it, so that the heterosexuals can tolerate it. Why on earth should anybody - gay or straight - be expected to tailor his behaviour to suit the expectations and preconceptions of other people? It's quite absurd.
Okay, I'm not saying that every gay member of the armed forces should be wearing pink and carrying a rainbow flag, but they should be entitled to simply behave like everyone else. This means that if they want to introduce their partner to others then they should be able to do that without having to consider what reaction it might cause. It's the age-old issue of equality. Naturally, no straight man would pause for even a second to worry about whether he should mention his partner, or if he saw some girl on TV he fancied, or any other matter which underlined his heterosexuality. So by comparison, no gay person should be expected to act any differently. This isn't to suggest that they should be parading their sexuality somehow, but at the same time this is a long way from this slightly offensive notion that they should have to stop and consider all their thoughts, comments and actions before proceeding. Why should they? I don't expect any heterosexual man to moderate his actions or comments, so it seems only reasonable that the reverse should also apply.
It's probably very difficult for most heterosexual men and women to understand that from a homo's viewpoint, it's depressing to have to spend one's life continually evaluating situations so that one can establish whether one's sexuality is going to be an issue. Okay, some of us just don't do that and we leave it to other people to either like us or hate us, but lots of gay people just aren't that open about their lives. And why? Because they think they wll stand out from the crowd. This is the fundamental problem for gay people in the armed forces. It's not actually about sexuality at all - it's about fitting-in.
As long as the old gay jokes and banter continue - no matter how harmless and good-natured it may be, then people (not all, bust most) will be reluctant to be completely open about their lives. It's very sad, because it discourages countless very able men and women from joining the forces. It's certainly true that most people don't even see the gay/straight thing as an issue any more, but there is still an established attitude and social order that reveals itself through jokes and comments, which discourages gay men and women from regarding their sexuality as a non-issue. But things are changing very gradually, and I'm sure that with sufficient time, even the endless gay jokes will no longer even seem funny, and we will inevitably reach a stage where everybody wonders what on Earth all the fuss was about!
Sadly, fear it will be later rather than sooner. Just when I think that everybody is finally "over it" I walked into a bar only last week to actually hear someone mutter "backs against the wall lads" ... I thought that line had disappeared with the last 1970's sitcom but it seems not! In some ways it is quite funny though because you could bet that (based on even the most pessimistic statistics) at least a couple of the "lads" in question would also have been homos even though they choose not to say so. The irony is often quite comical, especially the hilarious notion that every straight man is somehow sexually attractive to any gay man. I never quite worked-out where that bizarre notion came from! I find such matters quite amusing but spare a thought for others (especially younger gay people who might be thinking of joining the forces) who might not have the same outlook. They are no better or no worse than anybody else. Whatever they get up to in the privacy of their bedrooms is nobody else's business and let's be frank about this - some of the goings-on in straight people's bedrooms are probably much more colourful!
