‘Ere, this thread..
What's wrong with it?
I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It’s dead, that's what's wrong with it!
No, no, it’s uh,...it’s resting.
Look, matey, I know a dead thread when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
No no it’s not dead, it’s, it’s restin'!
All right then, if it’s restin', I'll wake it up! (shouting at the screen) 'Ello, Mister GaiPilot! I've got a lovely pink flying suit for you if you show...
(hits the cage) There, he moved!
No, he didn't, that was you hitting the screen!
I never!!
Yes, you did!
I never, never did anything...
(yelling and hitting the screen repeatedly) 'ELLO Mister GaiPilot!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(takes screen off stand and thumps it against the desk. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.) Now that's what I call a dead thread.
No, no.....No, it’s stunned!
STUNNED?!?
Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin' up! Gay pilot threads stun easily, major.
Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That thread is definitely deceased, and when I first looked at it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged flaunt.
Well, it’s...it’s, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it on the screen?
The GaiPilot prefers keepin' on its back! Remarkable creature, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Look, I took the liberty of examining that thread when I first called it up, and I discovered the only reason that it was still there was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that thread down, it would have been off and shot up into the long, delirious, burning blue with a VOOM!
"VOOM"?!? Mate, this thread wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! It’s bleedin' demised!
No no! It’s pining!
This thread is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! It’s a stiff! (oo-er, missus!) Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the screen it’d be pushing up the daisies! It's kicked the bucket, it’s shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibule!! THIS IS AN EX-THREAD!!
Well, I s’pose I'd better delete it, then.