it's taken till now for me to find a way of saying the right words without offending anyone, and for me to have recovered from what last night brought. like i said in the film, i am not niave enough to ever think that i or Bob are anything more than what is in the diary that day for a journalist, and the platitudes expressed at times are heartfelt, even honest, maybe meant when said, but forgotten about 20 mins up the road. that aside it has been a necessary part of keeping the continuation of failings from the MoD in the public eye, and assist me in helping do all i can to ensure that no one else goes through the hell i have had to endure. my brother, the wonderful man that he was, has gone, but i will always continue for as long as i am able to make sure that those that need to see the impact of their decisions do, and those that still serve have the protection they deserve.
the film had aimed to show the impact of what a life lost in the way they are lost means, and that from being part of the news the fallen are nothing more than a news infil, a statistic, or relegated to an announcement page 13 column 5, 10 lines if you are lucky.
i have mixed feelings about the film and up until 21.05 i was not going to watch it, but found myself sat alone in the kitchen crying like a good un, at times managing to finish the sentences of the other bereaved relatives. in one way it was a help to know that you are not alone in your fear to look in the mirror as you see your brothers eyes staring back at you, or smile your way through yet another kindly intentioned, you look so alike don't you, when inside you are crying. however, there were elements of our lives and how they were portrayed that did not do anything positive either for the individuals concerned and the memory of loved ones lost. in my case alone, a situation that i am forced into and have had to accept, despite tentative inquisitive efforts to see if there could be change failed, was used to demonstrate a point that was not central to the reasons why i agreed to do the film and what i thought was the ethos behind it. that is where the line is crossed and a little intrusive, also i am confident in saying that there was alot more to the coversations had, yet the magic of the editing suite seems to have omitted maybe some of the more pertinent points. we are all on a journey and many of us in different places on that journey, but one thing is for sure, we will never forget, and i for one will always be indebted to those in the armed forces, both past and present. thank you for your sacrifice and thank you for the wonderful work that you do.
finally, tonight, or in the morning, make sure that you give that hug, make it extra tight, or say those words you wanted to say, because never say never..........most importantly live your life to the fullest, laugh the hardest, be thankful for every extra day. i know i am a lucky girl, i had my brother for 38 yrs and it's those memories that i have and cherish. there is no point looking at what i no longer have, but being bloody thankful for what i had when i had the chance....
keep the faith one and all, and take care of you and yours!