when you feel claustrophobic in a cinema when there's five other viewers.
when you rattle out 'alekum asalaam' like a native replying to jeddah radar's first contact..
when 30C is a cold snap.
when you've grown a full goatie and don't feel like a redneck.
when a clean shave makes you feel ridiculously naked.
when a three day growth goes with suit and tie.
when crossing the road feels like a game of frogger.
when flying to peshawar doesn't feel dangerous at all.
when something's amiss if a day goes by without some sort of bomb attack somewhere close.
when the sheik/king/sultan becomes 'our' sheik/king/sultan in conversations.
when you can sleep in a cab with an indian driving.
when the american/english accent sounds foreign.
when you think arabic sandals are in and timberlands are out.
when you think you're going to die because you forget to replace your empty perfume bottle.
when anti-ice comes on at the teeniest hint of cloud.
when you realise that all women are good for is s...x
when you think part of the maids job description is to flirt with you.
when you start despising plants.
when your friends and family back home think you're a millionaire.