If asked if you have anything to say, state loudly and clearly:
"I deny everything and Capt Blackadder did not shoot any speckled plump-breasted-pigeons!"
If the self-important dick behind the desk drones on for more than about 10 seconds, sick one finger in each ear and say loudly and clearly:
"La la la....NOT LISTENING!!"
If there's a hats-off session afterwards, just tell him that his carpet is neither deep nor fluffy - and ask how on earth he can work in such a scruffy office!
A carpet of my acquaintance
at High Wycombe was pale blue and grubby - and the whole corridor smelled of wee!
Time these pathetic ambush style "March in the guilty ba$tard" sessions were condemned to history!