Start with:
Long time ago at Chivenor on Hunter OCU. Student from one of our oil-rich states takes jet off the end of the runway into the bundu.
Crash kit and many others bowl up to jet to find cockpit empty. Major search for injured/memory lost/etc pilot instigated and after a very long time nobody found!
Meanwhile, back in Officers' Mess, said pilot of empty jet found in civvies in ante-room reading paper.
Question asked by senior instructor: "What the hell are you doing here, instead of reporting in after going off the end of the runway?"
Answer: "Not me Sir, I've been here all day."
Instructor: "No you haven't, you just went off the end of the runway in your jet!"
"Not me Sir, I haven't flown at all today!"
"Follow me mate" .... takes back to squadron.... asks "So this isn't your signature in the auth sheets and the 700 then?"
"No sir, not mine, I haven't flown today."
After much toing and froing with "Oh no I didn't" ... "Oh yes you did" .... said foreign gentleman quietly despatched back home.
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NEXT a well known oldie:
Two foreign gentlemen flying helos on cross country navex. First one decides needs to pee desperately and lands in field, leaving engine running. Rushes off into trees and has major liquid dump.....
While having said relieving visit to trees, helo (no brakes on) decides to roll away and dump itself sideways onto some rocky outcrop.
Meanwhile ..... next foreign gentleman sees damaged helo and lands to see if he can help his mate.
Whilst searching in wreckage area for mate, first genteman, now feeling much better strolls back to helo parked where he left his, climbs in and buggers off.
Must be true --- heard it so many times.
MORE PLEASE
[This message has been edited by Wholigan (edited 28 September 2000).]