Cracking thread - please keep it up.
One of the squadron's SKJs had an intermittent hot mike snag. Enjoying a day trip away from the Pig (Carrier, yes we do still have some) the crew arrived at that splendid RAF Summer camp on Cyprus. Having dropped off pax at Bravo site (West end of the r/w) they were directed to go to Echo site (East end of the r/w). However, the crew was at this time still unfamiliar with the field (the usual supply of flight docs from upper air.)
P1 to P2: Echo site, ah bollocks! Where's that?
P2(heplfully) to P1: F**k knows.
Helpful ATC: Copy your request, follow taxiway to the end and take a right.
Off they taxied, passed the Tower, looking at their yaw pedals, as it was described to me later - if ever a helicopter could shuffle past, that was the time.
No fault was found on return to the carrier, so imagine our delight when the next day our crew were treated to a GL pilot and GL observer arguing about who should have been captain on their flight in. SAR launched to rescue all those poor teddies thrown from the pram.
The other hot mike fable that was told to me when I was under training, any old and bolds from that great fog magnet in Cornwall maybe able to add validity to it.
Two pilots were in a Sea King transiting back to Culdrose, when they heard a familiar, and rather attractive, female voice on a St Mawgan freq. Much banter followed of what exactly they would do to her should they ever get their sticky mits on her. Shortly after, the weather was closing in fast to red/red (surprise, surprise) and not being of the highest fuel state they thought early of a divert. No luck on any freqs, things looked a slight bit bleaker. Then chatting among themselves they decided what they could really do with would be a shepherd aircraft, only for another helo to turn up some time later to act as a bit of shepherd. Working out, via some helpful hand signals, that this was indeed their shepherd. As they settled into a rough formation, one of the pilots suggested that "wouldn't it be better if the other a/c did so and so" cue other aircraft doing so and so. Big think bubble emerges from the Sea King as they find out that they were on permanent transmit. Legend has it though that it did open up a little relationship between the pilot and a certain WRAF ATC, who knows.
It's not how fast u go, it how deep u dip.