5 useless things to a safe pilot:
1. Runway behind you
2. Sky above you
3.
Air in the fuel tanks 
4. Engineer eating donuts
5. Goat cabin crew
6. Goat management
7. Wife who only claims to swallow
As an engineer one of the most useless things in the cockpit are PILOTS who cann't count and who having put a defect in the book refuse to leave the flt deck and let the engineers get on with their job while we also eat donuts at the same time and drink tea. This is due to staff shortage and the amount of work we have to eat and drink on the GO.
