I served on the UK Special courier team (the guys with the blue boxes on your aircraft) during Telic 1 and under the same stresses as you, obtained the decree nisi before I went, got it on xmas eve (merry xmas Mr Skyguard) then went on ops overnight with very little warning from Feb 03. I sorted all the rest out when I got home. This was arranged via mobile phone calls to my solicitor from Cyprus and various points all over the middle east where and when I could get a line out, getting all appearances and hearings suspended till my return in Sep 03.
I seem to recall that I did have to appear. I paid a lot of money for a good family law QC but it was worth it keeping my pension as he wiped the floor with her solicitor, with a counter claim on hers when she tried to clean me out completely. She was a Civil servant. Had to resort to a 60/40 split in her favour, as she was alledgedly the home maker and I was 'always away from home on duty'. Didn't take in to account who paid the mortgage at all. Hacked me off a bit that did.
As others have said try and keep it amicable but in my experience, and, I was non blameworthy, the dollar signs appear in their eyes at the mere hint of the word pension. Good luck and sorry to hear of your troubles, its bad enough dealing with it at home, but on ops. Keep yer heid doon.
PS. I cant remember paying extra for an adjournment