I'm actually similar to you guys, except didn't go to university. Have been doing development professionally since I was about 16. But got completely fed up with it, can't stand the thought of going back to it even as a back-up and no matter how much money is offered.
With regards to wages, yes it's tough. There are a lot of companies out there which will exploit people for as long as possible, vastly underpaying. But how good are you? For example, .NET development is pretty hot at the moment. If you've done some good development work over time and can prove it, why not look at contracting positions? If you're flexible with regards to re-locating then there is a lot of demand out there (currently).
Don't look only at large or integrated schools, and remember to look outside UK/Europe. Unfortunately all the taxes add up to make it ridiculously expensive for us Brits over here.
Unless I'm mistaken, I can't find any decent web site which allows you to search for flight schools and compare them all - maybe we should get together and create one!
Anyway, personally I've spent a while looking for schools in the US. My current thoughts are to go to a school which issues J1 visas, get all the FAA ratings and instruct until the visa is up. If I do it right, I should be able to get over 1,000 hours. If I have the spare time, will start ATPL GS distance-learning from the States. Come back to the UK, convert CPL/IR and then decide whether or not I want to instruct more or go commercial and do the MCC. Of course, these are all going to add to the expenses further - but am aiming at £40K-£45K total investment required for a lot more hours and a lot more fun than any integrated course.
This may not suit all people, but I'm really in no rush to fly commercially.