Flying for ATC is, sometimes at least, an amusing experience.
Back when I was younger and had more hair, flying from EDI to LGW for my first Class 1 medical prior to ATC training, I was on an AirUK 146 and had a free seat next to me. I got out my instructions for finding the CAA medical centre, on CAA-headed paper, and this caught the eye of a male FA. He sat on the arm of the free seat and asked about ATC recruitment, saying he might want to try it "you know, if I start a family or something." It may be a cliche, but he was more camp than a field full of tents! I'm guessing the "or something" was more likely...
Once trained and working for a living, stand-by tickets became a nice perk when I could get them. I got onto a full flight from GLA to Sanford, Orlando, riding in the jump seat for take-off and approach/landing, and back in the galley for the cruise. I was given a handful of miniatures of wine and a plastic cup with a little water in the bottom, with the instructions "smoke 'em if you've got 'em!" For much of the flight, the FAs tried to fix me up with their one single member (alas, the only one I didn't fancy
).
Flying from Orlando to LGW, stand-by with Birdseed, I wore my best "upgrade attire" as I approached check-in. But then, these were American check-in staff, presumably trained by Greyhound. First they asked if I'd listed for the flight. "Sorry, I'm not BA staff; I didn't know I had to." In an attempt to get a smile out of this Abu Ghraib guard, I jokingly suggested (with a sliver of hope) that an upgrade would be nice. "You don't have that kind of authority, sir." Yes, I know. "I'll check with my supervisor." PLEASE DON'T! Supervisor comes up and says "you don't have that kind of authority, sir." Yes, I know, I heard... Don't you people have a sense of humour??? I kept that to myself, along with the line, "don't you know how much a p*ssed off controller can cost an airline?" Luckily, as I trudged away from check-in, a BA captain walked into the terminal! A quick hello, and I didn't stay in economy for long.
Then there was the time I was upgraded going from LHR to BOS. I was the idiot passenger that time, and thought my tablecloth was my napkin. D'oh!
Heading back from BOS, and having bought a beautiful teddybear for my nephew, I joked at check-in that while I wouldn't normally (complete lie...) ask for an upgrade, my bear would really appreciate it! Again with the no SOH in the USA!?! Then I connected onto the shuttle to EDI, got an exit row opposite a lovely FA, told her the story, and she spent most of the flight playing with my teddybear!!!
Worst experience was with Air Canada, service with a sneer. I had PAID for a business class ticket, LHR to deepest Canada. I just happened to be on crutches, with wheelchair service at the airports. The AC meal gave me a slight digestive tract issue, not helped by strong painkillers, so I had to visit the toilet
a lot. This ain't easy on crutches. Before the previous leg, I was merrily smoking away at the departure lounge bar until 5 minutes before boarding, but then at LHR I had a shower and a change of clothes, followed by outside-only smoking in the breeze. I had less cig smell on me than on any other flight since I left school! And so.....I was accused (wrongly, I might add) of smoking in the toilet, and I pointed out that the only times I had ever smoked on aircraft where when it was legal to do so, and when invited by the CC. Then the service just stopped dead. Needing another visit to the bathroom RIGHT NOW, but having a meal tray infront of me and not enough hands to hold both the tray and my crutches, I rang the call button 6 times over a period of 20 minutes before someone finally took my tray. It's a miracle I didn't poop in my pants...
Most pathetic attempt at an upgrade was on my honeymoon.... My wife's flowers had been left in a car overnight in -25C after our wedding reception, so they were beginning to look a little sad, but she took them to the airport anyway in the hope of a congratulatory upgrade. We connected in Denver, still clutching the flowers, minus a few heads now, and still no upgrade! We ended up leaving them in our rental car. On the way back, we connected at San Francisco, and oh those gay gate staff were great! Showing them the rings did the trick, and we had 1st Class on an RJ to ourselves! They did, however, make a PA announcement at the gate along the lines of "the couple in first class who look as if they've had
no sleep lately are returning from their honeymoon", so we got a few stares!
