Thank you, I enjoyed that one. On a slightly different tack, I enjoyed this next one too. Sorry if it`s old hat, I first saw it only a couple of days ago
TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE, FROM A MAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don`t ask us, we refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it`s up, put it down.
3. If you won`t dress like the Victorias Secret girls, don`t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4. Don`t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys are reluctant to marry is that married women always cut their hair short and by then you are stuck with her.
5. If you ask a question you don`t want an answer to, expect an answer you don`t want to hear.
6. Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Learn to live with it. Don`t ask us what we are thinking of unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
7. Sunday = Sports. Its like the rising of the moon or the ebb and flow of the tides.
8. Shopping is not a sport and we are never going to think of it as such.
9. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear will be just fine. Really.
You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is Blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don`t work. Let`s be clear on this one. Strong hints don`t work. Really obvious hints don`t work. Just ask for it.
12. No, we don`t know what day it is, we never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
13. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
14. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we`d be any good at deciding which of your thirty pairs will go with your dress.
15. `Yes` or `No` are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.
16. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.
17. A headach that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.
18. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
19. Change your oil.
20. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to do the quiz together. No, it doesn`t matter which quiz.
21. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments or statements are null and void after seven days.
22. If something we say can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
23. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway.
24. You can tell us to do something or tell us how to do something, but not both.
25. Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you want to say during the commercials.
26. If it itches, it will be scratched.
27. Beer is as exciting to us as handbags are to you.
28. If we ask `what`s wrong` and you say `nothing` then we will act as though there is nothing wrong. We know you are lying, but it`s not worth the hassle.
Edited for a typo
I reckon that whoever worked this one out had been married for a long time.
Regards,
Mike W
[This message has been edited by Skylark4 (edited 02 October 2000).]