We appear to have quite a number of IT people in the Private Flying Forum, so I thought I'd pass on this letter I received as an IT consultant in case it might be of use:
Dear Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewellery applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
No mention of this phenomenon was mentioned in the product brochure, In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3 and ShoppingSpree 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as Football 5.0, Fishing 3.6, Golf 2.4 and JunkEverywhere 4.5
Furthermore, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system every time I run it. Under no circumstances will it run HouseCleaning 2.6 or WashingUp 5.5
I've tried running Nagging 4.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of limited use and has on occasion caused the dreaded BSOD (Blue Screen of Death).
Please can you help ??
Signed, Jane
Dear Jane
We often receive this complaint from our lady clients, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception as many women upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is in fact an intelligent OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator (Male of course) to run as few applications as possible and it is definitely not designed for multi-tasking. Furthermore, you cannot simply purge Husband 1.0 from your system and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is deeply embedded in your system and hidden operating files would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing would be gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once they are installed. Any system updates can only be installed once a year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory resource and cannot readily accept new information or changes.
Error messages are common and a normal feature of Husband 1.0
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favourite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0 or Husband 2.0, however these women end up with more problems than they encountered with Husband 1.0 (Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Resource Allocation), you will notice that trying to install either of these programs (both of which come pre-bundled with HeartBreak 1.3) will result in poor system performance, system conflicts and possible virus infection.
I recommend that you keep Husband 1.0 installed and just learn the quirks of its strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest that you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system and demands that Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.
To activate this feature, enter the command C
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then trigger the applications - Apologize 12.3 and Flowers&Chocolates 7.4
Husband 1.0 will then run efficiently for a few weeks before you start to notice repeat problems.
TECH TIP ! - Avoid excessive use of this feature, as overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C
I APLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or worse yet, to Beer 6.0
Beer 6.0 is an extremely disagreeable program that causes Husband 1.0 to create BeerBelly files and LoudSnore and NoxiousGas wave files that are very hard to delete, so save yourself some unnecessary trouble by following this tech tip.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it is plagued with memory and performance problems.
Consider buying additional software to enhance its functionality. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3, Patience 10.1, Appreciation 2.8 and LetsGoToBedEarly 8.5.
If you keep these utilities running in the background ready to be called when needed, then Husband 1.0 will experience fewer system interrupts, crashes and lock-ups.
You will also notice that after several years of use that Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, RegularSex 6.9 and BestFriend 7.4
A final word of caution! Do NOT under any circumstances, try to install HisMotherInLaw 1.0 as a resident program, even temporarily. This is definately NOT a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system due to high incompatibility issues.
Until HisMotherInLaw 1.0 is fully uninstalled, Husband 1.0 will only run Football 5.0 and Golf 2.4
I hope these notes have helped and may we thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0.
We here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years and we trust that you will appreciate the versatility and intelligence of your new operating system.
Tech Support